What Is Happening To Me??

Recently I found out that I'm acting weird..Or maybe I'm too emotional? Sometimes I get frustrated by 2 of my cousins.Maybe I cant blame anyone because the environment that we both grow up is different? As you all know, Im the only child in my family. I do everything by myself without doubting. Im always alone doing my stuff, most activity that I do is by my own. With a different word I'm independent..I can do things by my own..I wont "die" because I'm alone or either I wanna do some stuff. I use to my life style that was being alone. Im not blaming my beloved mummy for not adding more humans in our family.
By the way, most of my friends know that I was working last month and I have to stay at my grandma's house for that month. Im happy and sad at the same time. I seriously understand the meaning of home sweet home. I was so uncomfortable staying at my grandma's house for the first time. It is so different! I know no one is perfect and everyone has their own attitude. I was very happy that it is very "warm" staying in a big family. But a big family brings the meaning of more argue will happen too. Maybe I use to be alone, the environment around me is peaceful, calm and quiet. The family was great but alot of argue happened..They fought because of some small problems or maybe they are frustrated with their problems and without knowing anything they fought again *faint* I almost couldnt survive for the first week. But later on I manage to overcome everything including their attitude. I understand that everyone has their own attitude even me. So I always tolerate with them. I use to share secrets with my cousin sis like my recent problems or which guy I like and stuff. We use to share things surrounding us. But I dont know since when I started to refuse to tell her more about my stuff.. I rather keep it by myself and choose not to tell anyone of it..But of course, I did tell some of my close friends. I even found that, sometimes it is no use to tolerate with her because she never even tolerate with me. I have my own thinking too. I need people to tolerate with me too. I need love from people too.
Yes, I used to be alone. I suppose to used to my life. Yes, I always make myself look like nothing even there is a big problem I have to face. I always smile and laugh. Yes, this is my attitude. I dont cry easily, even I cry I choose to be alone. Everyone says Im so lucky that Im the only child.I have what I want. I stay in a bungalow. I have alot of money. Everyone gives me everything.Is this important? What I want is the love. Yes, everyone loves me. But behind of the story? When I was at standard 6 my parents divorce. My mum and my grandma take care of me. My mum is a housewife. She have to take care of me alone. She dont know anything with studies. So I have to learn everything. I cant cry infront of her when my dad wish to divorce. I choose to be tough, brave and independent. I do everything by my own. I learn to speak up to order food when we are in a so call high class restaurant. My mum cant speak english. But who cares? She's still my mum. Im proud of her because she is independent too. She brings me up and now Im here. Im not shame to tell all this. Im not angry of my dad because they divorce.
Next thing was, maybe I accidently fall for someone that I shouldnt. And now I have to stop the feeling! Its hard to stop..Very hard..But I have too. Im going to put a fullstop in our chapter. I'll begin with a new chapter and for you, I wish you guys will be happy always ^^ We are best friends :) Best friend forever...hahaha...
Okay, maybe I talk to much here. The main point was I apologize to everyone if I make you guys angry or what ever. Recently I was way too emotional with the problems Im facing. I'm okay now because I just share out everything that keeping in my heart. I feel comfortable after craping so many rubbish..haha. Lastly, I wanna say thank you to all my friends too..Im okay and yeah! The old me is back~ wakaka... ;)